Becoming American - by Robert

 

For those who’ve read my previous notes, I hope you enjoyed it. For those who think I’m either doolally, crazy, fruit loops, dodo; tough shit. “Sorry!” Look, I’m 78 years old, short term memory getting shorter every day and, I don’t care. “Sorry!”

Before I forget, when it comes to printing money, I really wish the two dollar bill would be printed again. I know it went out of use a long time ago. I can still remember Floridians not accepting it way back then. They always assumed that it was a phony bill. But I always thought there was a different motive, back then the Canadian dollar was higher than the American buck. To be honest I have more personal reasons to get rid of the toonie (two dollar coin). Rolls of toonies, I find too heavy to carry around in my Levis. Not to mention, the bulge it causes is rather suggestive. The other reason is to prevent widening the slots on pay machines. You know, like washing machines, coke machines etc. Okay, I’m cheap too.

Let’s talk about sports. I love to watch hockey and football. I don’t see any changes to be made as far hockey is concerned it’s already NHL and, even going back to the fifties there were always more teams south of the border then up here. (Look it up, I really don't want to spend my time explaining that). Now we are quite PC (politically correct) up this way, but please, please, please don’t change the name of the Chicago Black Hawks. I have always thought their logo was sharp looking. As for the Ottawa Senators, well, that name may have to be changed. I’ll explain that later, so try to remember that when you read more of my babble.

I do have a suggestion however: How about log riders? As for all you English sports

announcers, please learn how to pronounce Canadiens after all it used to be a mostly francophone team. I mean you seem to have no problems pronouncing all the foreign names of players. Okay, I’ll make it easier, call them Habs. By the way, the CH logo on the Canadiens jersey does not stand for Center Hice.

Enough about hockey, let's talk about football. Now this will make Torontonians happy, they will finally get the NFL team they keep wanting. I know, I know there are some slight differences between CFL and AFL/NFL. For instance the size of the playing field and the number of players on each side. I leave it up to the owners to work that out, after all they make the big bucks, let them earn it. One advantage for all CFL players is that they will earn more. To paraphrase my favorite saying: that's all I have to say about that.

Let’s go on to something a little sadder. The federal government. Unfortunately we may have to drop some of them. One in particular are the Senators. (Told you above the name would come up again.) We could retire many of them, I’m sure they have a better pension plan then I do. This would also save a lot of money for the new state of Canada. As for the rest, we can vote them in and ship them off to Washington DC. I really wouldn’t want to piss off the state of Washington, by accidently shipping the old senators to them. This may cause cramped seating in the senate in Washington DC. As for how many we would ship down, I would recommend we designate a crafty, sly negotiator for that job. I think one of the provincial Premiers should have that job. Unfortunately,I only know one that I would love to do the Job. “Sorry Mr. Ford.”

One department that would be redundant is External affairs. Let’s be realistic here, you can’t have two ambassadors in each embassy. Again cost comes to mind at what you could do with all that staff. Retire the older ones, again they have a better pension than mine. Some could even be appointed by the new governor to state postings. Don’t worry all of you at the bottom of the ladder, I’ve thought of a job for you. Some of you could become seamstress, like Betty Ross and sew a new star on old US flags. Others could print up the new flags with the extra star on it.

The old mind is just whirring with more ideas. If I keep this up, I’ll miss my nap time.
Until again.
Bobby