Canadian Tire by Robert

 

I have some venting to do today. Some Fuddle Duddling BASTARD hacked my Facebook. I must apologize to his or her parents. ”Sorry!” Then again maybe the Fuddle Duddling BASTARD doesn’t have parents. I was not in a good Christian mood when I entered the church that day. Fortunately, I had some time to think and remember some of the gospel sayings: Turn the other cheek, forgive those who trespass against us. Whoever is without sin may throw the first stone. I should not have thought of the last one, because visions of me throwing rocks at whoever the BASTARD is, tied to a cross. “Sorry!” Anyway, by the time the mass started, I had cooled down enough. I did say an act of contrition before communion, just to be on the safe side. If you don’t understand what I’ve written above, Mr. President elect, I’m sure one of your aides could explain to you. I’ll be here all day trying to explain, besides it would piss me off some more

Let's get on with more important issues. Please keep “in God we trust” on the currency. You can’t trust the BASTARDS who hack your Facebook.

Just a suggestion for you Mr. President elect. Could you smile a little more. You always seem so cross, when you make a speech. Perhaps you could visualize a buxom woman standing in front of you, in a string bikini. That always makes me smile. Then again forget it, it might turn out to be a leer. While I’m at it, I can’t help but notice your arm movements. You know that little wave motion you do with both arms. Is someone putting some hot sauce or

A535 on the side of the podium, and you have to cool off your hands. Then again

perhaps you move then, when you want to get something very important, so that we listen a little more closely. About those waves, I always get this vision of a toy windup monkey playing cymbals.

As for the armed forces. Shortly after I joined the army, we went from Navy, Army and Air Force to just Armed forces. We all wore the same dark green uniform, made of the cheapest material. Fortunately they didn’t screw around with our battle dress. Mind you the initial battle dress we got from the states had just a little flaw. It seems that the material gave off static electricity and, it caused the engineers, who you know, disarmed bombs and placed others; well we both know what static electricity causes BOOM! It’s Okay, we found cheaper uniforms, probably from China. Just a side thing here, I met one of the women from that procurement department a few years after I got out. Nice lady, I told her, as PC as I could, what I thought of her department. For some unknown reason, she wouldn’t speak to me afterwards. If I offended you. “Sorry” Then again she left her husband for a hairdresser. Go figure. 

Back to our arm forces, I’ve given this a lot of thought. I would suggest they become part of the national guards. The reason is as follows. Years ago, members of the Royal 22nd Regiment (better known as the Van Doos) were in a pub drinking as all good soldiers do. Anyway a few yanks came in and made a comment about them being green berets. I guess they didn’t notice the beaver on the hat badge. The young Van Doos took exception to that. It seems a few ended up in the hospital, more Yanks than Frogs. Worst of all, we were all banned from that pub.

Even with my medic badge,I was a person not grata. The plus this new army guard, could be issued all white camouflage outfit; along with with grease paint for the face and bone sunglasses. Guess what kind of boots, come on you know it. I would make a recommendation, that a flap be sewn on the back, with strings attached to the flap bottom, so that when an air strike is ordered, the soldiers could pull the flap up, under which the pilot could spot the big beaver logo. You know, just to prevent a SNAFU. It’s ok mistakes happen, the pilot did apologize. I’m sure I heard him say “Sorry!” on the news. I’m good with that. I’ve been wondering, did the pilot get his coordinates from the CIA? “Sorry!” Mind you, once past the tree line, they would have to slow down. Come on they couldn’t be walking, you can still see someone walking in the snow, no matter what color they wear. As for planes and ships, you got it, all painted white.


Onto the subject of the border crossing buildings. I nearly forgot those. Turned them all to the Canadian Tire franchise. See, every vehicle crossing one way or the other, can do a pit stop. For instance their summer tires could be changed to studded winter ones, or perhaps have chains applied to the driving wheels. And of course driving south, summer tires will be applied. Notice how I try hard not to waste anything. Speaking of Canadian Tire, I’m glad they give you points instead of the paper money. Remember the guy who wouldn’t accept my 2 dollar bill, yet he accepted Canadian Tire money. Hey I got more change from my purchase. So that was a plus for me. Go figure. “Sorry!”

More to come. Nap time.
Love Bibert.