de spectacle - by Robert

You may have noticed my fondness for beavers. That comes from my childhood. When my baby teeth started falling out, the baby teeth on either side of my two front teeth remained in place as the new teeth started to grow. The baby teeths did eventually fall, but the new teeth were a little back. This of course accentuated my two front teeth. I believe I was either in grade 2 or 3, at the time. Anyway a fellow student made the remark that I looked like a beaver, laughing. PC was not in my vocabulary at the time, but he never said it again. I met him several years later at some function, we both had a laugh about it. I did notice that his nose was still a little slanted to one side. Of course I did say “Sorry!”, which cemented our friendship

I was just wondering about the new state of Canada, would that somehow give you some problems with Putin? Here’s an interesting fact. The Canadien sound for Putin’s name is not like Poutine, you know the fries with gravy and cheese curds; it’s more like Putain. I’ll let you look that up in the French/English dictionary.

Now onto the Grand Spectacle. I must warn you it will be long, so maybe you should have a nap before the start. It will of course be televised on every network throughout the states. Don’t worry Mr. President elect, every entrance and crack in the building will be covered by Commissionaires. Hopefully no body cavity searches will be necessary, then again white rubber gloves will be issued to each Commissionaire. Hopefully they won't have to use them twice. Must always think of keeping the cost down.

In attendance along with your aides, will be all 60 governors. One empty seat on

your right is designated for our new governor, who will be part of the opening ceremony. As you look around you will notice various jerseys represent every NHL team north of the border. There will be refreshments available, such as Molson and Labatts beer (the light brand) along with local wines. As for non-drinkers, we’ll have spruce beer. You can also get poutine and beaver tails, to munch on.

The lights in the stadium dim, causing the spectators to hush. In the silence you almost hear the footsteps of the two greeters. Spot lights shine on them as one is native with his feathered headgear, the feather extending down almost to his ankles. Dressed in tan leather and colorful beads, fringes on arms and legs. Beside him walks our new governor. You guessed it, Jean Chretiens. He’s dressed in black suit, white shirt and red tie.

I can just see the grumpy look on your face, since you agreed to every demand we’ve asked of you. Just to be on the safe side, the contract that you’ve signed is on the podium before you. It's written in large bold letters. On the last page/pages in small print page, maybe even several pages, you need a magnifier to read, are the clauses that we might or might not honor.

The native chief begins by welcoming everyone and blessing, in his native tongue. Everyone will have ear buds, for the translators. Also the new symbols for the various native dialects will show up on the four large TV monitors, for those who don’t have earbuds.

Next it’s Jean Chrétiens turn. He speaks in English of course, I love his accent. His

speech is heart warming and brings tears to everyone present. That man can really hit you at the heart.

The stage lights dim once more as the sound of snare drums can be heard. From the end of the stadium the combined military band of brass and pipes marches in. They’ve chosen Scots on the rocks as they parade to the center of the stage. Now the lights glare down illuminating the band. It’s a glorious spectacle of various colors. First two drum majors lead the band. One dressed with a bear skin hat, red tunic, back pants, black boots so shiny the glare from the boots are almost blinding. The other same hat, tunic and boots, however he’s wearing the kilt representing the back watch regiment. Both swing the band's major batons to the beat of the music. They are followed by the pipe band. Their kilts swaying from side to side. You notice the various tartans representing every highland regiment in Canadian history. Followed of course by the brass band. You’ll notice the different dress uniforms of dark blue for the navy, tan for army and of course light blue for the gentlemen of the air force.

Next comes the color guard. The maple leaf flag, escorted by a lieutenant (leftenant), sergeant major (He’s the guy with the wide sash draped over one shoulder down to the opposite side at the waist. Also on either side are the two with rifles. Don’t worry, we’ll make sure they are not loaded. Next comes the flags of every province and territory. Finally the flags of every regiments that fought for this country since the beginning, when we were known as the Dominion of Canada.

Now comes the parade of soldiers. Of course the senior service the navy and merchant mariners, again dressed in various navy garb from the onset of the Dominion of Canada to date. God, I miss those bell bottom pants. Next the army with so many different hats, not just the berets. Well let's talk a bit about berets, you’ll see black, green, red and of course blue. You do remember peacekeeping I hope. Followed by the gentlemen of the air force. Churchill is to blame for that designation.

Of course you’ll have to rise for the salute as they march past. Better work on your

right arm strength in order to return the salute. On second thought , get Arnold to set up an exercise for both arms, it will be very helpful for your speech later on. As each pass by, the leader of each will drop his/her sword in salute as the men behind raised their right in salute. You’ll have to excuse the first man/woman closest to you sir, that is the designated right marker, keeping everyone marching in row and file. Now just a warning sir, the salute might seem strange to you. The arm is extended palm facing forwards, the upper arm moves up as the lower bends, arching so the hand can reach the head. (I would recommend you watch the movie Devil's Brigade).

However, instead of all the fingers and thumb extended straight up, only two fingers will be extended, they are the index and middle finger, like the love or peace symbol used today. It will actually mean V for victory.

Once the march pass is completed, time for the anthems. All the marchers and bands are now standing in the outer rim of the arena. The lights once more dim for a few moments. Suddenly a voice blares from all the speakers. Ladies and gentlemen, mesdames et messieurs, please rise, s’il vous vous levez, for the national and state anthems, pour les hymnes national et l’etat.. You really didn’t think we'd get rid of Oh Canada, did you?

As a spotlight flashes onto the center of the field, Paul Anka and Celine Dion are seen by the mike. Paul begins to sing the star and stripes. The US flag slowly rises as he sings into the mike, the combined bands play softly. Once he’s finished, Celine turns in opposite direction, not even bothering to use the mike as her voice can be heard quite clearly over the sound of the band. She belts out Oh Canada in both Canadian and Canadien languages, as the state flag rises. She’s no longer the poor girl from Quebec, but the rich girl from the state of Canada. Man what a voice.

Now it’s your turn to speak. A podium is placed before you, we’ll ensure nothing that would cause your hands to heat up is placed on the sides of the podium. Before you, is the agreement, you know the one you worked so hard to negotiate. May I recommend you read fast. We wouldn’t want the other governors to get ideas. Don’t even bother to read the fine print, one civil war is enough, don't you think?

Now it’s time for the festivities to take place. The assembly of band, flag bearers and military depart to the sound of the drums, ratatatatat. Hey don’t worry there will be young boys and girls to give you and all the governors presents. One soapstone carving of a beaver, one hudson bay blanket and a colorful maple leaf, picked in the fall and waxed.

The drums and native dancers perform, followed by every ethnic dance and song

routines. I’m sure you will enjoy our diversity.

Before I terminate this long epic of a letter, may I make one suggestion. Before you enter into discussions, perhaps you should invite Elong Musk for a viewing of all the Star Wars movies. Then again forget it. Neither of you would get it. If you need anything, give me a call. I’m sure the CIA have my number by now. No collect call mind you. I’ll make sure it’s recorded at my end also, we’re not getting any younger.

Congratulations.
Sincerely, Not “Sorry!”
Bobby.